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James Kimmel, Jr. is an assistant clinical professor of psychiatry at the Yale School of Medicine. He’s a really groundbreaking scholar of revenge and forgiveness, and he’s known in part for identifying compulsive revenge seeking as an addiction. His book, which is called The Science of Revenge, is fascinating and very relevant.
James’s personal story with revenge begins in his childhood, when he was bullied pretty mercilessly. As James shares in his book, he came very close to committing a mass shooting in retaliation, but thankfully he did not.
As an adult, James became a lawyer—which is when he really realized that he had a revenge addiction, which he explains more about in the top of our conversation today.
As you’ll see throughout our conversation, there’s a spectrum when it comes to revenge but we pretty much all experience revenge desires in our lives. And how we deal with them, or not, affects us individually…it affects our closest relationships and partnerships…and it most certainly affects our broader culture.
Today, James explains how actually trying to get revenge is pretty much always a lost cause—it simply makes us feel worse. But when we feel wronged, or when a grievance arises—it’s not easy, and it might even be harmful, to try to ignore it. At the same time, forgiveness may feel impossible.
This is why James created a simple process—that you can do in your mind—which he calls the NON-Justice System or Miracle Court. And he’ll take you through this toward the end of our chat today.
MORE FROM JAMES KIMMEL JR.
James’ Website
Phil Stutz and The Maze: “Welcome to the Maze”
Cognitive Dissonance with Carol Tavris: “The Self-Justification Trap”