Listen now (59 min) | "When we talk about the ghost of the unsaid, we're talking about the inherited feelings of our parents, unprocessed trauma, where the Phantoms that..."

Listen now (60 mins) | "And I thought, how am I going to stop what is now really a pattern? Three generations, this is a pattern. And how do I stop this for my kids?"

Listen now (54 mins) | “That's just like the human struggle, is how is it that our interiority and the way that we're perceived externally, how do we live with that? How does it act?"

Listen now (64 mins) | "Off the rails is a good description of the thing because if you look at the history of work in evolutionary psychology, there is precision about where..."

Listen now (59 mins) | "But I didn't want to just stop forever being erotically and romantically and intimately connected to other people. I wanted to find out how to do that in a way that didn't..."

Listen now (60 mins) | "I ran the numbers on this. You ran up births and deaths and marriages. The average person in 1800 had 80% more ritual occasions than we have today. So it took..."

Listen now (60 mins) | “I don't think anybody manages to go through their experience incarnated in human form and not have chapters of your life that are like, what literally just happened?”

Listen now (55 mins) | "What I became aware of when I started writing about resistance and I thought the healthy body resists infection. We have an immune system and the healthy psyche resists..."

Listen now (50 min) | “I think what COVID did was it really made people realize that the state of their emotions, the state of their relationships, all of those things..."

Listen now (56 min) | “I’ve never really figured out how come we stop asking each other questions. You know, we always do that in the beginning of a relationship..."

Listen now (61 mins) | “Every single human being is a pack animal. That's what we are biologically. We would die if we didn't depend on each other. Saying what you need is a form of connecting..."

Listen now (48 mins) | "I couldn't believe it, but I had a choice there in the moment to accept it or defend it, and I just accepted it. And moreover, the louder marking of that conversation was..."

Listen now (48 mins) | “We’ve lived long enough to know that the hidden corners exist.”

Listen now (45 mins) | "In order to raise any offspring at all, and to maintain a viable group size, you needed to have shared care. Shared care...."

Listen now (59 mins) | "That’s true for all of, I think, the fawn response, which is it keeps people at a distance. If we’re only showing people the most perfect curated version of ourselves..."

Listen now (50 mins) | "This thing happened to you and then you are the same person you were five minutes before, but you’re also totally different person suddenly, and you have to figure out..."

Listen now (45 mins) | “You want to find yourself? Give. We're not hungry for what we're not getting. We're hungry for what we're not giving. And then at the same time, you watch this old pattern..."

Listen now (58 min) | “I think it's very important to mention also, Elise, that even if a woman feels permission to be angry, that anger..."

Listen now (56 mins) | So I think the research overwhelmingly shows that people who are secure, the benefits are really far and wide, not just in relationships, also for us ourselves, for how..."

Listen now (59 mins) | "The deal is your bodies are going to change over time and people can stay attracted to somebody's body over time, even though it is unrecognizable from what it was like..."

Listen now (46 mins) | “The real meaning of ‘remember’ is to put the members back together, to make whole. So a lot of times we go back in time to a special time or a special moment and nostalgia..."

Listen now (59 mins) | You cannot differentiate when you never fight. Fighting is also a tool for differentiation, for having two people be able to breed and grow inside a relationship..."

Listen now (54 mins) | “Part of middle life is that hopefully there's a little bit of wisdom there. And I think that is part of what we gain as we go through this journey of life is that there..."

Listen now (61 mins) | “I think that with regulation, the funny thing is that it's either I want to control the weather around my children, or I want to control my children, but regulation..."

Listen now (47 mins) | "Big, big, big part of that is understanding that each individual arrives into a relationship with their own conditioning, with their own emotional history..."

Listen now (55 min) | “Before our boys have learned to read, they have already read the stoic code of masculinity and are conforming to it..."

Listen now (53 min) | “I talk about dysfunctional relational stances that would repeat over and over again. For example, angry pursuit is an oxymoron. Angry pursuit..."

Listen now (55 min) | “Usually in high conflict, the conflict becomes the whole point. So you make a lot of mistakes and you can miss opportunities..."

Listen now (62 mins) | “If we want our monogamous relationships to survive, they need to be able to survive the almost inevitable infidelity that will touch them.”

Listen now (58 min) | "A conversation that I hope this book sparks, because it's such a fun conversation, is the conversation about gay men being friends with straight men, but also straight..."

Listen now (58 mins) | “I’m trying to map the territory in the center world, just the way I did with families and the distinction that immediately leaped out was between parts..."

Listen now (58 mins) | “For people who have been in a long relationship and then it goes off the rails and ends, it’s a different kind of grief from say widower grief, right? Where maybe..."

Listen now (43 mins) | “If there is this part of you that you think is inferior, the weak spot, something you're ashamed of, etc., it's one of these things where if you believe it's true, there's..."

Listen now (61 mins) | “One thing my work has taught me is how human interaction is a comedy of errors. People are making so many errors without knowing it. I think I'm making sense to you, but..."

Listen now (49 mins) | “Our anger is ‘I'm angry because something happened that I feel was unjust or unfair’ And if it continues, then I want my justice and you know, our injustices from childhood..."

Listen now (57 mins) | "You can't be independent if you're not deeply connected. So what happens to a child that's not deeply connected? What actually happens? Guess what happens? They don't feel..."

Listen now (59 mins) | "It's okay to not be perfect. I don't wanna be judging myself for my imperfections. I actually wanna be accepting myself for my imperfections. And that was really liberating..."

Listen now (64 mins) | "Well, the first thing that's going on is we're creating new neural pathways in our brain of a new experience and really a new way our brain is performing."

Listen now (54 mins) | “There's no generation before us that’s had this opportunity to find this treasure..."

Finding our way to interdependence—or healthy and functioning relationships—is inarguably one of the most difficult things to do.